Then
“I didn’t think you’d be so judgemental,” Foggy said, all but jumping to his feet.
“Erm… what?”
Matt listened to Foggy walk up and down in front of the sofa.
“Judging people for what they like is not cool, Matt,” Foggy continued. “I never judged you for eating curry ketchup with ribs instead of barbecue sauce. I mean… Who does that? But I never judged you.”
Despite the sudden tension, Matt smiled. It wasn’t quite the same (and not true, Foggy had judged Matt hard for it). A sexual kink was hardly comparable to eating habits. But Foggy did not seem like he would be open for constructive criticism of his analogies right now.
Matt was not even sure how they had ended up discussing kinks in general and rape fantasies in specific. But things like that happened. After the truth about Matt’s nightly vigilantism had shaken their friendship, they made sure to spend time together. They often sat in either of their homes, drank and talked, both not wanting to ever drift apart again. And drinking and talking often had them talk about topics all over the place.
“Foggy, I have seen the error of my ways regarding the ribs,” Matt said. “And I never meant to kink-sha…”
“You know - I’m not… I mean, people who are into this, aren’t dumb,” Foggy ranted on while Matt witnessed the temperature of his face rising. “We… they know that, in reality, rape is not good or hot. That rape is not sex. That it’s not about desire but about power.”
“Hey, hey, I know!” Matt said. “You got that wrong. When I said that I can’t relate, I didn’t mean that people who like it are somehow freaks.” He chuckled. “Even if they were, I wouldn’t be in a position to judge. What I meant is that I can’t relate to wanting to give up control because… erm… I’m the opposite actually. I like being in control… and to control.”
“Oh.” The sofa dipped under Foggy’s slumping form.
Foggy was embarrassed, probably fully aware that he had given himself away.
“As I said,” Matt said quietly. “I don’t judge. I simply don’t understand… the other side, so to speak.” He tilted his head. “Maybe you could explain.”
Foggy cleared his throat. His hands were moving as were his feet, familiar nervous habits.
“I… I don’t know,” he stammered. “I can’t speak for others. Giving up control is a quite common reason of course, to relax, to feel safe and cared for. The… the rape fantasy… there are different factors of course. But I think for me, it’s mostly the thrill of being wanted so much by someone that they lose control. Someone wanting me so much that they don’t care about the rules, the law… not even about what I want.” His voice went quieter. “Maybe that’s because I’m not the kind of person people usually lose their mind over.”
Matt swallowed. This was objectively not true. He had witnessed more than once how a woman’s or a man’s heart began pounding and jumping in Foggy’s presence. But if Matt said that now, Foggy would think it was a lie out of pity or he would dismiss it as people reacting to Matt.
Foggy often spoke about how handsome and stylish Matt was. It would make Matt a liar to say he disliked it. Being honest, Foggy’s praise stroked his ego much more than he probably should admit. Many people found Matt attractive, but Matt especially liked when these people were Foggy. What Matt disliked was when Foggy’s admiration of Matt came with self-degradation.
Matt realized that he should probably say something, give another reassurance that he was not thinking less of Foggy now. What had started as gentle warmth on Foggy’s cheeks, was now a glowing heat. Matt himself felt heat rising in his body, too, thinking about the kind of game Foggy apparently was willing to play.
“I don’t think the latter is true,” Matt dared saying. “But as a whole it makes sense.”
Foggy nodded and narrated unnecessarily, “I just nodded.”
“I know,” Matt smiled. And after a while, he asked, “Have you ever fulfilled these fantasies?”
“No.” Foggy shook his head. “There is only one partner I even found the courage to tell. She was great about it, but wasn’t comfortable with actually doing it. If I trust someone enough to want them to do it to me, they usually mean so much to me that I don’t want to send them running.” He laughed. “I’m a self sabotaging system in that regard.”
The familiar Foggy-induced fondness bloomed in Matt’s chest. But also something else. The thought of Foggy finding someone made Matt’s stomach lurch. Well, someone who was not Matt at least.
Matt bit his lips. Shifting on the sofa, he listened to Foggy’s heartbeat. Full of longing, he took in the scent that brought so many emotions with it. Since he had figured out what Foggy’s outburst meant, a thought had been forming in his mind, slowly but steadily.
The smarter part of his self screamed at him that this was a bad idea. Probably the worst he’d ever had. But his heart and his loins teamed up against his brains and urged him on.
“Do you trust me?” he asked before he could stop himself.
“What?” Foggy’s hair made a small sound as it brushed over his shoulder when his head snapped towards Matt.
“I would understand if the answer was no or maybe,” Matt said. “After everything.”
“No, I mean yes, I do trust you, of course.”
“And you told me about this… kink of yours. And I didn’t run, so…”
Foggy laughed nervously. His hand ran through his hair audibly.
“I… I appreciate the offer,” he said, body temperature rising even more. “But it’s safe to say that this would go beyond favours between friends. I can’t ask this of you.”
“You didn’t,” Matt said. “I offered. Not only for your sake, by the way. It’s been a while for me, too, and I would like to let out some steam. As I said, I enjoy being the one in control. We’d be helping each other out.”
“So… one hand washes the other?” Foggy asked. “Only we’d be getting dirty?”
A soft laugh escaped Matt.
“Pretty much,” he said. “A mutually beneficial transaction between friends. Nothing more.”
His heart beat loudly with the lie. But Foggy could not hear that of course and so he agreed.
The following negotiation felt surreal. Foggy was nervous and so was Matt. Yet their tone was no different to that time they had divided the space in the fridge as roommates.
“I’ll wear my old suit. it’s easier to… erm…”
“...free the essential body parts?” Foggy offered helpfully.
“Yeah.” Matt nodded. “I’ll bring lube. I can bring condoms, though since my last check up there was noone and…”
“I’m clean, too,” Foggy hurried to say. “So if you don’t insist...”
“I don’t,” Matt said. “Safeword?”
“I don’t really have one.”
“What about ‘Katana’?”
“Buddy, you know a safeword should be something that you don’t accidentally let slip during sex?”
Playfully, Matt slapped Foggy’s arm. “I will not accidentally say ‘katana’ during sex,” he snorted, half indignant, half amused.
“If you say so,” Foggy said in an innocent voice, lifting his arms, probably in a placating manner. “I just don’t want to be cockblocked by some weird weapon fetish you may or may not have.”
Unable to help himself, Matt scooted a little closer to Foggy. His voice dropped as he spoke.
“Believe me, I won’t be needing a safeword,” he challenged.
He heard Foggy swallow before clearing his throat.
“Well, I guess we’re doing this then?” he asked.
“Should we agree on a date or do you want me to surprise you?”
“The latter,” Foggy said. “Keeps the anticipation, but I can’t freak out completely when the day comes.”
Matt nodded. It took all his self-control not to do it right now.
Now
Matt’s body felt alight with excitement. Every fiber of his being loved this. The stalking, the chase, the struggle and, of course, taking his prey.
His ears were always strained, listening for the safeword, but it never came. In addition, Matt focused on Foggy’s heartbeat and his breath. Foggy was excited, nervous even, but he was not distressed or scared.
So Matt indulged himself. It was not everything he wanted, but some of it. He got to enjoy the generous body in his arms. He dug his nails into the broad hips and thighs, felt the give of the soft stomach when he ran his hands across it and revelled in the combination of scent and taste as his teeth scraped along Foggy’s vulnerable throat.
And the sounds! The heart, right now beating for Matt alone, the breath, hitching under Matt’s ministrations and the soft moans and helpless whimpers Matt drew from his prey’s lips.
Matt wanted it to go on forever. But too soon the amalgam of sensations threatened to overwhelm him. So he adjusted his hips’ position, experimented with the angle of his thrusts, studying Foggy’s reaction. When he had found the right spot, he kept going, biting his lip in concentration so as not to cum prematurely.
The pliant body in his grasp tensed and trembled. Hot wetness blossomed between their stomachs and Foggy clenched around Matt. Whatever self control was left after that, was obliterated when he heard Foggy’s say his name.
“Matty!” Foggy’s voice broke and he was clinging to Matt like a drowning man.
With a shout, Matt followed him over the edge and spilled himself deep inside Foggy. He tightened his grip and dug his teeth into Foggy’s neck while he rode out his orgasm. His own heart beat in sync with Foggy’s and their elated breath mingled.
Coming back to his senses, Matt carefully pulled out. Gently, he let Foggy down and held him to keep him on his feet.
“You alright?” he asked.
Matt felt how Foggy nodded. But Foggy sniffled and wiped his eyes. Guilt crept up on Matt as he felt Foggy shake in his arms and tasted the salt of tears in the air.
“Sure?” Matt insisted.
“Ah, yeah, just… it was intense,” Foggy said. “But in a good way. It was good. Thanks.”
Matt smiled.
“It was my pleasure,” he said in what he hoped was a light and flirty tone. “Literally.”
Matt gave Foggy some time to catch his breath. As gentle as possible, he helped him adjust his clothes when Foggy was able to stand straight on his own again.
“Will you be fine on your way to your apartment?” Matt asked while dressing himself. “I probably should not walk through the building like that.”
“Yeah, sure, no problem.”
They parted at the stairwell. Matt hurried back to the basement window he had come through and climbed out. Wasting no time, he ran to the fire escape and made his way up to Foggy’s bedroom window. He was relieved to find it locked. Sometimes he was not sure if Foggy thought about keeping himself safe as much as Matt liked.
Soon he heard the key in the lock. Someone entered the apartment and came closer. Sure enough, the bedroom door creaked open shortly after. Matt knocked against the window.
Foggy’s heartbeat spiked. This confused Matt. Even more so when Foggy did not move for a moment. When he finally opened the window, he seemed surprised as he said, “Matt!”
Matt climbed in and waited for Foggy to lock the window again. Then he pulled off his mask and threw it on a nearby chair.
“What’s up?” Foggy asked.
Befuddled, Matt looked in Foggy’s direction. “What do you mean?”
“Uh, I mean, why are you here? Do you want to go again?”
“I wouldn’t say no to that, but I...” Matt said before pausing, “Wait, did you think I’d go home?”
“Yes, I mean, game’s over, no?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s called aftercare because it comes after ‘the game’,” Matt said.
Foggy’s heart did a funny thing and the temperature in his cheeks rose.
“Oh, that,” Foggy stammered. “You… you don’t have to. I’m fine. I’m sure you have better things to do.”
Matt frowned. Then he shook his head.
“No, I don’t,” he said. “It’s on me to make sure you’re okay. I was pretty rough and said some harsh things. I don’t want you to drop.” He stepped closer to Foggy and put a hand on his shirt. “May I?”
After a short moment of hesitation, Foggy nodded. Smiling, Matt undressed Foggy and led him to the bed. He hurried to get a washcloth and cleaned Foggy as best as he could. Gently, he examined Foggy’s body afterwards.
With a mixture of guilt and pride, he let his fingertips slide over the welts and bruises he had left on Foggy’s hips, his arse and his thighs. Matt pressed a tender kiss on one of the bite marks he had left on Foggy’s neck.
Matt had always taken the duty of aftercare seriously. But now, with Foggy, he felt the urge to provide it ten times fold.
“Thank you,” he whispered into Foggy’s ear. “For letting me do this. You were very good for me.”
“Sorry for breaking character there, in the end.” Foggy sounded subdued.
“Hmm, what do you mean?”
“I… um… said your name, not Daredevil’s when I… you know, in the end.”
“Don’t be silly,” Matt said. “You were perfect.”
His name falling from Foggy’s lips as he had climaxed was one of the sweetest things Matt had ever heard. But he did not say it.
Matt tucked Foggy in before getting up and divesting himself of his clothes. Quickly, he slipped into bed next to Foggy and held him, chest pressing against Foggy’s back.
After a while, Matt gathered his courage. Nuzzling Foggy’s hair, he dared to break the silence.
“So, you want to do this again sometime?” he asked.
Matt held his breath as the silence stretched between them. His heart sank, as he heard Foggy utter, “No.”
“Okay,” Matt said, nodding.
It was hard to keep himself from crying, pleading and begging. He had enjoyed their encounter fully, reminding himself it might just be that once. And apparently it was.
“I… I respect that,” Matt said. “I won’t pressure you, just… I didn’t hurt you, right? Took things too far? I…”
“No, no, no, Matt,” Foggy hurried to say. “None of that catholic ‘everything is my fault’ shtick of yours, please. It was perfect. You were perfect.”
“Al… alright,” Matt answered. “But if it was good, perfect even… no, forget it, you don’t have to justify your decision.”
Foggy sighed. “I… I really mean it. It’s not you, it’s me.”
“You were perfect, too,” Matt said with a smile.
“Thanks, buddy,” Foggy said. “But what I mean is… I can’t do casual. Not… not with you.”
Foggy’s voice was shaking as was his body. What his heart was doing, however, was a mystery right now because Matt could not hear it over his own. Was Foggy saying what Matt thought he was saying?
“Foggy,” Matt breathed out.
“I’m sorry, Matt,” Foggy said. “I thought I was over it… Shit… Just, please, forget it. It’s humiliating and dumb and… don’t mind me.”
Matt sat up and grabbed Foggy by the shoulders. Turning him around, Matt forced Foggy to face him. Tenderly, he cupped Foggy’s cheek before kissing him softly on the lips.
“If you can’t keep it casual with me,” Matt swallowed nervously, “then let’s not keep it casual. Suits me just fine.”
Foggy’s body went taut in Matt’s embrace. “It does?” There was doubt in his voice. “Matt, you don’t have to do this for me. I... I’ll cope.”
Chuckling, Matt kissed Foggy again.
“You really seem to believe you need me more than I need you,” Matt said with a fond smile. “You’re wrong. I need you. I love you.”
While Foggy said nothing, the smacking of lips told Matt that he was probably opening and closing his mouth, pondering what to say. Matt decided to take the chance and kiss him again, letting his tongue slip in.
A surprised noise escaped Foggy. But Matt stole it right from his lips as he mapped out Foggy’s mouth, claiming it passionately.
“So…” Foggy said breathlessly when Matt finally pulled away. “Non-casual sex it is? Uncasual? Incasual? Acasual?”
Matt laughed.
“Yes, the most acasual sex you can imagine.”
The End